Rock Candy

I have saturation on my mind again. Strange, I know. I believe, with all that is in me, that God communicates with us in ways that often only make sense to each person individually. I have always learned well from object lessons... and so saturation leads me to rock candy and the experiments I vividly remember in Mr. Jensen's 7th grade Earth Sciences class. So I'm remembering and trying to process what God is doing.

Rock candy is easy to make. It's even easy to understand how it works. It is a fairly uncomplicated yet amazing process and the results are beautiful and delicious. Basically, sugar is dissolved into water until it can't dissolve even one more tiny crystal. Then you hang a string in the liquid and wait for the water to evaporate causing the sugar to reform as large crystals on the string. Viola! Lovely Rock Candy. Sounds simple, but like everything else in life, there are a few tricks to getting this to work and actually get the end result you want.

First, the water. You can use regular water, just the water that comes right out of your kitchen faucet. BUT, you must put it in a pan and begin heating it. You then add as much sugar as will dissolve in the pan and keep heating until it reaches a rolling boil, all the while stirring and adding sugar. The average ratio is about 4 cups of sugar to about 2 cups of water. This process is called 'super-saturation' and it's actually unstable in that it contains more solute (sugar) than can stay in liquid form, so it must change. This is also a dangerous process and one we were warned to do only under adult supervision at home. Boiling water burns briefly when you get a drop on your skin and can cause a painful burn if spilled. Sugar water becomes a syrup that can burn and sticks to your skin as it continues to burn. You must have this unstable and dangerous concoction to make rock candy. A couple drops of flavoring extract and/or food coloring may be added at this point to flavor and color the final result.


Next this liquid is transferred to a clear glass jar. A cotton string is dipped in the sugar water and then laid out to dry. As the water evaporates from the string, tiny 'seed crystals' will form and provide the starting point for larger crystals. After the string is dry (about 2 days) you can then drop the string back into the water, securing the end with a pencil or dowel across the top, and covering lightly with plastic wrap. The jar should be placed in a cool place, out of direct
light. And then you wait.

As the water evaporates, the sugar in the solution will solidify, ideally on the string with the seed crystals, creating large sugar crystals (monoclinic hemihedral crystalline structures) which are amazingly the exact crystal shape of the tiny sugar crystals the whole process started with. Within a few days to a week, the string can be removed and you have delicious, beautiful rock candy.

So... what, besides a fun science project, have I learned? At the very least:

* Life, in the most basic sense, is normal or common like water, and it is only by making judicious additions to it that it becomes something else, something more. What am I adding to my life? What do I choose to be saturated with?

* Rock candy cannot be made until the water is super-saturated, not just water with a sprinkling of sugar, but must have the heat and must have a high content of the final product.

* The seed crystals are important - imagine if a toxic substance were used to begin the crystal growth? It would taste good and look beautiful - Oh so easy to be deceived! Also, the crystals, so tiny to begin with, are the ultimate result, yet BIGGER and BETTER and more LOVELY than a few cups full of granulated sugar...

* Oh - and if the process doesn't work the first time, the best way to fix this is to pour the whole works back into a saucepan and reboil it, starting over in a clear jar - who among us hasn't felt the fire of having to be 'reboiled' as we tried to work our own magic? Uncomfortable, to say the least.

* Ultimately, what kind of crystals and I growing? Am I growing any at all? What flavor and color am I? Or do I look like a lukewarm glass of water with dust floating on top? And most importantly, what am I saturated with? What do people see? I hope they see God moving in my life. I hope they feel Jesus loving them. I hope they feel the indescribable Holy Spirit touching them. I want to be saturated, I want to be supersaturated so God can create something beautiful.

I would love to hear your story of saturation.

Laboring

A few friends and acquaintances have had babies recently. I've watched these ladies from their pregnancy announcement, usually disclosed with great excitement and fanfare, through the morning sickness of the first trimester. I've watched their tummies grow along with their energy in their second trimester. And I've sympathized as their energy flags in the last trimester as they have trouble doing normal activities like washing dishes and getting wet clothes out of a washing machine, even getting out of a chair. And then they labor. And I, I am thankful! So thankful it's not me. Thankful to avoid the responsibility of one more thing in my life. Thankful my post labor, post C-section healing is done. So thankful that when I see an obviously pregnant woman I pause and thank God it's not me. And because God is never really silent, He's been talking to me about labor.

In His quiet, patient way, God has been reminding me how He is working in me. He is creating something in me, something wonderfully unique and just for me, but because of this I must labor. He has reminded me that I must nurture what He has created and placed in me. I must labor, daily. As the labor progresses, as my mind and spirit strain to accommodate this miracle, all the ideas and preconceived notions I have about God must stretch. My bones, the very tenets I claim through my limited ideas of faith about who God really is and what He wants, must move. These very bones that support this body and keep it upright must move. This body will never be the same again. Inevitably, I must give birth to His creation. As I grudgingly acknowledge this truth, He reminds me that I'm not alone, everything is going according to His plan, He is my labor coach, and I do not labor in vain.

18 Years

Today is a birthday or anniversary of sorts. 18 years ago, at about 11pm in a tiny room on the 11th floor of a dorm at Bemidji State University, I placed my trust in Jesus. I spent over an hour asking a very patient Campus Crusade for Christ student leader exactly what I would have to give up if I made this huge decision, really not concerned with what I would gain and definitely not grasping the infinite value of the gift offered to me. Finally, I tearfully gave up my will, my plans, and my heart in exchange for this new life in Christ and we knocked on the doors of some friends, waking them up to share the Good News. While this isn't a day I usually mark with more than cursory notice, I've been thinking about the pendulum swing of my faith over these 18 years.

I definitely had an 'Us & Them' mentality when I first became a Christian. I was now 'in' and everyone else was 'out.' I was excited to have a group of people that I could call friends who I had the most important thing in common with. The relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years came to a screeching halt with my new faith. He had heard the salvation message before and just wasn't interested, and I was convicted that our relationship couldn't go backwards and be pure again. God definitely had His hand on me when he led me to a Bible camp for the summer - a different one than I had applied to - a camp aligned with my new beliefs. At this camp I learned that Christians shouldn't dance, so we had a band come play and called it a concert (where everyone danced). And the only music that was allowed on the campgrounds was music on a Christian label, resulting in the first time I trashed all my 'nasty secular music'. I probably would have gotten rid of all my Iron Maiden cassettes anyway. I went back to Bemidji for another year in the fall of 1990, with a promise ring on my finger. I had met Micheal at camp and two years later we were married.

I remember times we threw out more secular music (not selling it because then someone else might be corrupted by it) and other decisions we made based on what we thought a Christian ought to do. We choose our church family by listening to rumors and stereotypes of certain denominations. We knew we couldn't be mainline, that's where I came from and I never heard the Gospel. Sure I could have quoted different creeds and the ten commandments and I knew enough to get confirmed, but I didn't know about relationship. We didn't want to be made to speak in tongues or anything else that seemed too strange.

Now I find myself re-evaluating again. I know there are definite right & wrongs, but I think the should & shouldn't areas are grayer that I ever realized. What is okay for me may not be okay for someone else. Is something making you sin? Get rid of it. Has it become an idol? Throw it out. Do you use it to comfort yourself? Is it temporary? What does God think about it? How does it apply to your life? Does it impede or enhance your relationship with Jesus? All this & more to consider.... Here's to 18 more years!

In my dreams

Now He's in my dreams.

On Monday night I had a dream...Wait! I should provide some background first...

Micheal and I have had a long hard year. Between the terrible twos, unemployment, hormones, tween-stuff... It's just been hard, and long, and hard... I've been convinced that we are in this time for a purpose and once in a while I even get a glimpse of what is being accomplished through these daily struggles. One glimpse was seeing Micheal step up and take responsibility for something going on in his life, and repent. Through hard work, prayer, accountability, and lots of God, he feels he's been healed of an issue that was hanging around for over 25 years! What's really to the point of this story, and getting back to the dream, is that I've been growing & learning, too. This stuff with Micheal was hard for me, and 'us', and I took it pretty personally, even though it pre-dated our marriage by years. Somehow I made it about me, when it wasn't. It felt like an intellectual affair, with his time & energy going to something else, something not me. But he's been healed and God's hand is evident in his life, our lives. But I had an unswept

corner in my heart....

So, I had a dream on Monday night. And in the way in which dreams always are, it was strange with more symbols than I can process. The high points are: I was in an arena with my family and many people we know and extended family, many of them ice skating and snacking on concessions. Suddenly, in the way dreams move you from place to place, I was without my family on the arena floor with many people in the seats all around. And there was a man who kissed me. And I kissed him back. In front of all these people I know, while I know I'm married, and they all know I'm married, and my family is there somewhere. Abruptly, I'm no longer on the arena floor, but somewhere else in the arena trying to come up with an explanation for Micheal and I'm mentally ticking through the all possible excuses, 'It didn't mean anything... I don't know how it happened... it was an accident... I won't do it again... it's not a problem... ...!!!' That's it - that's the dream. What set it apart, besides the part where I kiss someone other than Micheal, is the vivid impression it left with me. I can remember every detail clearly, particularly how it felt and what I thought.

Fast forward to Tuesday morning, I'm rushing to work. No time to think or pray about this - that would require setting aside time that I never have, or can't seem to make, in the morning. Driving to work, I think about this dream and try to think about what it could possible mean. I can't think of anyone 'the man' could represent. Did I eat something strange before bed? Am I afraid to stand in front of crowds? Am I contemplating an illicit affair? No - no - no. Must be something else so, as a last resort before dismissing it, I asked God, "What was that about? I'd never have an affair!" Before I even finished the thought my mind flooded with, 'you have affairs all the time.' I almost pulled the car over as I loudly exclaimed, "WHAT?!? I do not!" And, as if someone were directly in front of me, I heard, 'anytime you put something in front of me, or in front of Micheal, it's an affair,' and I clearly see examples I would rather keep hidden.

Conviction. So gently, God showed me how I had compartmentalized what I do from what everyone else does. Somehow, Micheal's issues had become awful (in my head and in my heart), I had taken it personally and made it about me when it never was. My affairs were 'just the way I deal with things.' When I avoid more important things by hiding in a book, or sleeping, or eating, or general business, and not putting first things first, I'm dealing with life in an unhealthy way. When I put my personal comfort in front of God, husband & family, it's an affair - I'm putting my needs and wants in first place. Whenever I allow my will to lead, it's the equivalent of an affair. Busted.

God talked to me - to me!!! I know he does this daily in ways I usually don't recognize, but this time I knew it right as it was happening. Strange, if Micheal or a friend pointed out one of my shortcomings it would feel like criticism and I would be defensive, but when God speaks it into my heart it feels like love. Love me more, God - there is no one like you!

Ugghhh!

I wrote a whole post titled 'Etymologically Speaking' and clicked something that I shouldn't have, and it's gone! (and I work in an Information Technology office! 'Oh the shame! Thought of changing my name...!'[Hakuna Matata]) I started to write it again, but it wasn't the same & I was unhappy with it, so I'll let it simmer for a while...

Motivation

"If you want to do something worthwhile, something memorable, you have to take that first step. And even when a project looks daunting, based on the sheer size and scope of it, when you break it down into the component steps, it's usually no more difficult than most things." ~Judy Martin, quilter

I joined a TOPS group (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) at work. So far I haven't taken off any pounds - truth be told, I usually just put on pounds in every un-sensible way and I'm wondering if I should just embrace this strength. I've been a member for about 6 weeks and just made my 2nd meeting, and first weigh-in yet. The weigh-in is really something I recommend for everyone. Really - if your goal for the day is to feel terrible, this is a great way to do it. At the weekly meeting there is always a brief talk given by a group member on a specific weight loss stategy. Today's was on the 'Exchange Diet,' which consists of tallying your allowed calories for the day, then monitoring your daily diet using a predetermined amount of starches, veggies, protein... Sounds great and it looks like it should work. The problem I have is that in addition to sounding like it may work, it also sounds LIKE work. You know, like the work I do 8+ hours a day behind a desk and then the work that occurs before work in the morning, on the way home, & when I get home... so I'll just fit this new type of work into my wide open schedule! Another group member commented on how great this exchange diet is and really makes her motivated in her post-Christmas slump. MOTIVATED? Seriously?!?

Which leads me to the conclusion, once again and quoting Brenda Gatlin ala Gospel of Wholeness, my wanter is broken. I'm not motivated to make changes in some of these hard areas of my life. I'm unhappy & unsatisfied, yet I'd rather remain here than over there. Things are surely better over there, they look better, but no - I'm fine right here, thank you very much! I'm not even sure I want my wanter to be fixed. I don't even know what that'd look like.

So I'm left with thoughts on my motivation. What is my motivation? Do I just like to pay dues for services I never use so I can pretend I'm attempting to make changes in my life? I know it's not because I have nothing better to do over lunch on Wednesdays. Maybe I just feel like I'm doing something by attending meetings so I can say I've tried it, "I've tried everything, this is just the way I am, I just need to accept myself." I know I don't like to feel like food has control over me, but is my motivation to change stronger than my motivation to stay right here? Not so far, but if God just could fix my wanter.... that just might be the first step.

Up & running......

I feel like this is monumental, like I should yell, "First!" But this is my blog, no one else knows I'm here (yet), so of course I'm first. I'll probably be second ("Second!"), too. This actually is monumental, this has been on my mind for a long time, a place where I can put ideas down on 'paper' and work on them 'out loud.' Sometimes I come up with things, sometimes God tells me things, and I think about how great that is and what a wonderful metaphor that is, and then I forget about it. In disobedience, it's gone. Some of that will end up here along with what I'm learning as I trudge along. Thanks for joining me!

I am reading 'The Great Omission,' by Dallas Willard. In a smaller section titled, 'The Disciplines of Christ-likeness,' Willard states,

"...we "put on" the new person by regular activities that are in our power, and we become what we could not be by direct effort. If we take note of and follow Jesus in what he did when he was not ministering or teaching, we will find ourselves led and enabled to do what he did when he was "on the spot." The single most obvious trait of those who profess Christ but do not grow into Christ-likeness is their refusal to take the reasonable and time-tested measures for spiritual growth........ When we accept moment-to-moment events and tribulations as the place where we receive God's provision, we patiently anticipate the action of His Spirit in our lives. In hope, we do our best to find and implement the ways in which our inner self can take on the character of the children of the Highest. This is the path of radical change..." (pp. 30-31).

Wow. I know I want the good stuff without the work. I want to hear God loud & clear, but can't find time to sit at His feet. I want to do what Jesus did, but not work for it. I want to 'be spiritual' while I watch TV or attend to other equally important things. If I attend one more church function, maybe that'll do it, what Willard calls 'Christian Consumerism.' I don't need that either. I just need God. Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19), I want to only do what I see Jesus do! God help me.

So, that's where I'm starting. I decided to follow Jesus 17 years ago, and here I am, starting again. Thank you God for taking me back, over & over. Now I'm going to bed, so I can get up and do what Jesus did! (Mark 1:35)