"If you want to do something worthwhile, something memorable, you have to take that first step. And even when a project looks daunting, based on the sheer size and scope of it, when you break it down into the component steps, it's usually no more difficult than most things." ~Judy Martin, quilter
I joined a TOPS group (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) at work. So far I haven't taken off any pounds - truth be told, I usually just put on pounds in every un-sensible way and I'm wondering if I should just embrace this strength. I've been a member for about 6 weeks and just made my 2nd meeting, and first weigh-in yet. The weigh-in is really something I recommend for everyone. Really - if your goal for the day is to feel terrible, this is a great way to do it. At the weekly meeting there is always a brief talk given by a group member on a specific weight loss stategy. Today's was on the 'Exchange Diet,' which consists of tallying your allowed calories for the day, then monitoring your daily diet using a predetermined amount of starches, veggies, protein... Sounds great and it looks like it should work. The problem I have is that in addition to sounding like it may work, it also sounds LIKE work. You know, like the work I do 8+ hours a day behind a desk and then the work that occurs before work in the morning, on the way home, & when I get home... so I'll just fit this new type of work into my wide open schedule! Another group member commented on how great this exchange diet is and really makes her motivated in her post-Christmas slump. MOTIVATED? Seriously?!?
Which leads me to the conclusion, once again and quoting Brenda Gatlin ala Gospel of Wholeness, my wanter is broken. I'm not motivated to make changes in some of these hard areas of my life. I'm unhappy & unsatisfied, yet I'd rather remain here than over there. Things are surely better over there, they look better, but no - I'm fine right here, thank you very much! I'm not even sure I want my wanter to be fixed. I don't even know what that'd look like.
So I'm left with thoughts on my motivation. What is my motivation? Do I just like to pay dues for services I never use so I can pretend I'm attempting to make changes in my life? I know it's not because I have nothing better to do over lunch on Wednesdays. Maybe I just feel like I'm doing something by attending meetings so I can say I've tried it, "I've tried everything, this is just the way I am, I just need to accept myself." I know I don't like to feel like food has control over me, but is my motivation to change stronger than my motivation to stay right here? Not so far, but if God just could fix my wanter.... that just might be the first step.
1 comment:
Greetings.
I am impressed by how transparent you are willing to be here. The quote at the beginning was funny to me at first because I mis-read it as "quitter" instead of "quilter."
I like the title of your blog. And the poem... Life has many challenges... but as you seem aware, God is faithful even when we continually fail. He is at work in you, that's a certainty. Like a chick forming inside an egg, many things appear unchanged, but then a new life emerges. So it is that God is in the business of working in those secret places within us, hidden to the eye but very real.
Thanks for sharing.
ed
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